i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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