I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
