So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
