I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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