he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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