so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
