I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My feet surprised me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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