What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
