I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
