I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mom said you looked used
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
