Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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