o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
