Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
