One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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