our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
