But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
