in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
