I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
