1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
