i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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