When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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