You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
