I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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