Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
