ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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