i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
