I am spending my child support on dildos
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
