Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
