i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
