Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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