wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you had me at cake vodka
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
