She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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