He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Damn victory sex feels great
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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