my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
