I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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