thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
