On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
