I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
