he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
