I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
