hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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