dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
