youre lurking in front of me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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