They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize