Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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