just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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