Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
