this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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