Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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