I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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