When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
