I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
