Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
