It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
