Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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