every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize