You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
