Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
