How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
